1. Because I was seemingly invisible to the salesmen working in the Salon Shoe department. They were much more captivated by the hooker trying on $800 platforms while clutching a wad of $100s. I was in the department for 15 full minutes, picking up shoes to try on while the staff walked around me, glancing the other way. I decided out of principle not to chase down a salesperson and see if someone would finally notice me. Never happened. Their loss.
2. Because the saleslady in the sunglass department was apparently velcro’d to the wall. Sleeping with her eyes open. I finally woke her to make a purchase, and unlike any other sunglass purchase I’ve ever made at Nordstrom in 12 years, this time the lady neglected to clean the lenses and check for scratches before she packed up my glasses. In fact, I later discovered she gave me an eyeglass case containing my new dirty glasses, a cellophane-wrapped micro-fiber cleaning cloth, and an empty, previously-opened cellophane wrapper for good measure.
3. Because a saleslady from the St. John Knits department aggressively chased me around the second floor,loudly demanding I come check out the new spring fashions and volunteering to use my charge card to purchase some of these fabulous find for herself in nothing lit my fire.
4. Because the lady at the Bobbi Brown counter was far more interested in keeping her back to the counter and playing with her computer than in helping me. Now I’m certainly not claiming to be more fascinating than solitaire or porn, but it’s not like I can help myself to the eye shadow at Nordstrom like I can at Sephora.
5. Because when I was actually ready to make a Bobbi Brown purchase, a saleslady from a faraway cosmetics counter saw me waiting patiently and yelled out from across the store to see if I was being helped. Just like at the trailer park when she wants to know if Turleen has a spare roll of Cottonelle she can borrow. And that didn’t even jar Ms. Solitaire/Pornsurfer enough to turn around and see if she could help me.
6. Because the lady from the faraway cosmetics counter couldn’t locate much of what I wanted, namely because she doesn’t work at the Bobbi counter. Seven minutes into the thrilling Bobbi Brown Eye Shadow Scavenger Hunt of 2011, I unceremoniously announced that I was aborting my mission, and that I would write down the names of what I was looking for and buy the shadows elsewhere. The lady from the faraway cosmetics counter actually grabbed a pad and pen for me from right next to Ms. Solitaire/Pornsurfer, who had been within four feet of each of us the whole time and never offered to help. Again, their loss.
7. Because the daffy saleslady in the jewelry department actually had to make a call to find out the store manager’s name. And then she took the pretty beaded bracelet I had bought as a gift (which was clasped into a little O shape), dropped it unwrapped in the bottom of a bag, and shoved a long watch box on top of it that stuck out of the bag. My guess is she didn’t do well with that shape-sorter game as a child. She was at once surprised and bemused to learn that a small square box might be a more appropriate and efficient choice to hold the bracelet.
8. Because the store manager began her follow-up email: “Please except my sincere apologies for the manner in which you were treated during your last visit to our store.”Nuff said.
9. Because even though she assured me she had followed up with “all involved parties to ensure this does not happen again,”my friend went to the store four days later and had an identical experience in the shoe department. Minus the hooker. Once again, their loss.
10. Because I have other (better) retail choices right there at The Westchester.