Today was not a very good Monday. It started out as any ordinary day, but in short order it turned into the Monday from Hell.

At 7 a.m. I climbed into the car I sent in for service last week and found that none of my problems was remedied. I had complained that the sound system sounded like crap. They chuckled at what they assumed was a silly girl and said I must’ve had the headphone button pushed in. Didn’t sound much better when I picked it up, and this morning I figured out why. Sitting in bumper-to-bumper high school traffic, I played with the balance and found that all the speakers on the right side of the car aren’t working. Yeah, sure, I’M the stupid one. And the squeaky brakes? Still squeaking. The service lady said it’ll just get worse as the weather gets colder; that’s just they way those cars work. Awesome. So now I have to take the car back in for the stereo problem. Love having to do things twice. Love it.

On his way out the door, David snapped at me ferociously in a misdirected attempt to alleviate market frustration.

Sat on hold for half an hour waiting for the Vistaprint dude to adjust my cart so I could order the right quantity of brochures.

Tried to refill some prescriptions online and one of scrips indicated I had to call for an updated price. So I did, and entered the biggest black hole of telephone systems I’ve ever encountered. Not a human to be found, and I was then prompted to refill by phone, spending another half hour entering like a hundred digits per med. I still don’t know the updated price of the friggin’ medication.

Called my allergist’s office to get them to phone in a refill and got a busy signal. Repeatedly. For two hours. Still haven’t had that scrip refilled. Pretty sure my sinuses will remind me violently and aggressively in a day or two.

Used the phrase “Bite me” three times by 9 a.m. Not a good sign.

Got a 9:30 a.m. call from the new middle school principal with whom I’ve been requesting a meeting for over a week about something that’s clearly been handled with acute jackassery. Could I meet at 11? Oh, absolutely, it’ll be a friggin’ thrill. So I embarked unexpectedly on nearly an hour of bitching politely but firmly, and in the process confirmed my initial opinion of her. But that’s a whole other story.

Had back-to-back meetings at the Temple starting at noon, but not enough time in between to grab anything for lunch. And oh yeah, with all that wasted early morning phone time I never had breakfast either.

Thought I had started the day looking fairly cute, but caught a glimpse in the ladies’ room mirror at the Temple and scared the living bejeezus out of myself. Bad hair, tired eyes, faded lipstick. A horror show.

Walked in the door at 4, exhausted and starved, and found that David had confirmed a 4:30 showing of the house. Promptly had to vacate.

Took the boys to Staples for some school supplies and when we got to the register, the $12.90 credit slip that Ben insisted he had placed on the top of the order was MIA. Threw a major hissy at the register and dumped all the bags looking for it until Ben sheepishly backtracked and found he had left it with his list in the ink and toner department. Way to go.

Got a bitchy phone message from my next-door neighbor, who has never done anything other than leave bitchy phone messages, that for the second time this year a box of ours had been delivered by UPS to her house instead of ours. We had changed our address with the shipper over the summer the first time it happened, and were assured it would be fixed, but once again it went to #54 instead of #64. “I’LL LEAVE IT ON MY FRONT STEPS AND SOMEONE CAN COME GET IT!!! OKAY?????”

Thought I’d defrost some of my yummy spaghetti sauce and add a little ground pork for a quick dinner, but you can guess, when I got to the meat case at the back of Stop & Shop, there was no ground pork. Ground beef, ground veal, even ground lamb – probably ground piranha and ground emu – but no ground pork. Of course had I been cooking something that required ground veal or lamb, there’d only be a case full of ground pork.

The $10 coupon I tried to use at Balducci’s expired yesterday.

The date indicator on my watch stopped working.

Came home after Hebrew pickup and only wanted to take a shower to rinse off the misery of the day. Was promptly trailed by a young man who insisted on passing his homework into the shower for me to check. No rest for the weary.

Discovered a freakishly volcanic zit percolating under the skin.

And because the day isn’t over yet, I’m sure that even if I go to bed soon, I’ll be awakened just before midnight with trichinosis or dysentery. Because that’s just the kinda day it’s been.

Silver lining? There’s no way this confluence of suckiness will happen again soon in the same day. Tuesday’s coming.

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